I hope 30 isn't too old for a Christmas hissy fit. Because I'm having one.

I'm throwing a Christmas hissy fit today.

Nothing is going the way I wanted it to and instead of stomping my foot and throwing myself on the floor, wailing like a bratty kid I'm going to throw myself on my couch and wail on my blog like a bratty adult.

I generally avoid making To-Do Lists because they either overwhelm me or it's inevitable that as soon as my day is planned out on paper, it will NOT go as planned.

Today is one of those days.

Instead of doing Christmas gifts this year we're buying a new chair for our living room. I'm pretty excited to get this new chair, as it will be the very first piece of furniture I've ever purchased from an actual furniture store (which makes me feel like I'm finally passing Adulthood Initiation 101). I've been waiting for the Christmas furniture sales so when they finally advertised a 30% off sale, I was in 7th Heaven!

I thought it appropriate to wait until Christmas Eve to order our "Christmas" chair so I wake up early eager with excitement. I plop myself down with credit card in hand to call in the order only to find the store is closed for the holiday. Since my office is closed for the holiday, I won't complain that they're closed too. But what I will complain about is they changed their sale from 30% off furniture to 60% on MATTRESSES.

But.

But.

But I don't wanna mattress.

I wanna chair! {arms folded, lips pouted, foot stomping}

After some serious pouting time, I try to get myself together and move on to the next thing on my List. Get haircut. So I call only to find out there's already an hour and a half wait.

So there goes that.

Fine.

Fine.

I don't like getting my haircut anyway, so there! {lip pouted, head turned to the side feigning indifference}

Next thing on my list is to find Adam an ugly Christmas sweater that he'd been looking for. So I battle my way to stores on Christmas Eve fighting frantic husbands looking for last minute gifts for their wives and kids with hopes of finding the ugliest Christmas sweater EVER.

First stop: Goodwill, nope.

Second stop: Salvation Army, where I contemplate calling my mom to tell her I love her because I'm not sure I'm going to make it out of there alive because people are looking a little....how shall I put this delicately...."unsavory" but no sweater.

Third stop, my beloved Target where I walk in, sigh in relief and loosen the death-grip I have on purse but alas, still no sweater.

Fourth stop, K-Mart where I thought for sure they'd have ugly sweaters but no, no sweaters just broken dreams.

So after four stores, I walk away empty handed. The only thing that's full is my eyes as I feel the sting of childish tears of disappointment of not finding what I wanted.

It's funny because this morning actually started off on a positive note. I had sent a message into the universe that "Yes, Mandy will be winning the Minnesota Millionaire drawing.......hum da da duuuh.......Come to me money......." So after deliberating over which gas station I want to get credit for selling me said winning lottery ticket, I confidently stride in to buy it.

Only to be told that they're sold out.

I attempt to force my facial muscles into a smile as I grip the counter, fighting the urge to throw myself on the wet floor, kicking and screaming- or worse yet, reaching across the counter and grabbing the poor unsuspecting employee and screaming my frustration in his face as if it's his fault that all of my problems today are really the end result of my own procrastination.

Merry Pity Party. Oops, I mean Merry Christmas.

Thank you Myers-Briggs for so fully explaining why I am the way I am

A Myers-Briggs test I took in 2004 came across my desk today. How funny it is to see just who I am as a person condensed into 4 little letters and how accurate they truly represent me.

After completing the test, a specialist was taking us through the results of each of our profiles. When she started to describe me she said, and I quote, "Mandy.... oh look, a butterfly."

I'm am ENFP which breaks to to:
Extroversion
iNtuition
Feeling
Perception

Now if you're like me, that doesn't mean much but my little packet breaks it down into several different ways to interpret these.

The first page I came across is entitled Team Frustrations, which says what your team really wishes they could say to you. What does mine say you ask?

"Stop changing your mind and the team's direction!"

Seriously. Can this describe me any better? Oh wait, yes it can. It later highlights some of my many wonderful attributes:

*Often acts quickly, sometimes without thinking

*Work in burst of energy powered by enthusiasm with slack periods between (hence no new blog since November)

*May get their facts a bit wrong

*May have trouble making decisions, feeling they never have enough information

*May start too many projects and have difficulty in finishing them

I realize that every person has their own set of letters and it means something different for everyone but I truly felt like mine described me perfectly until I get to the section where it lists famous people with the same letters as you.

Some of the examples of people listed are Frank Lloyd Wright, Thomas Edison, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein.

Who's on my list?

I'll tell you who's on my list.

Will Rogers
Snoopy
Dr. Suess
Meg Ryan
Robin Williams
Sandra Bullock
Ariel (the mermaid)
Cathy (the comic strip)
Dr. Ross (from ER).

WHAT?!? Some people have Albert frickin' Einstein on their list and I have 3 cartoon characters, 4 actors and a tv CHARACTER?!

And one of my cartoon characters is a middle aged crazy lady that either has steam coming out of her head, is sweating, or little parenthesis next to her eyes illustrating how much she's stressing over something inconsequential.

.....Hey wait.

The powertools are packed away for now

The bookcase is done! You might need superhuman strength to pull the drawer out, the drawer bottom is at an angle, and I have a toddler's ice rink in my garage (more on that later) but it's done!

And I gotta admit, even though my staining job is much to be desired, I LOVE it! And consequently, anyone that ever comes to my house needs to go on and on about how awesome it is or we won't be friends anymore.

I was a tad bit frustrated on my last post when I considered turning the bookcase into a tribute to Jerry Lee Lewis' Great Balls of Fire but when I couldn't find the lighter fluid, I persevered. When you're working with a deadline there's just so much added pressure that I will never do that to myself again. And this time I mean it.

I also tackled two other projects I wanted to have done before Thanksgiving: I reupholstered my headboard and turned the body-pillow that's been under my bed for 6 years into a back support fuzzy wonderland.

Having made the headboard a couple of years ago, I thought that reupholstering it would be a snap but low and behold nothing is a snap in my life because did you know this? I didn't know this, but when you buy fabric by the yard, the width of the fabric varies? I even looked on the tag to see if it said anything about width but apparently you need to be apart of the "in club" at JoAnn Fabrics to know that some fabric is like 60 inches long and some is 40 inches. I did not get the memo on that.

Unbeknownst to me, I used the 60 inch fabric when I originally made the headboard and when attempting to reupholster it, I got the 40 inch stuff. No dice.

I'm hoping my jimmy-rigging of securing the bottom with iron-on glue works because I'm ready to call it quits on all my home improvement adventures. Luckily you can't see the bottom and for the most part, it turned out pretty great!

The bookcase fiasco wasn't quite as easy of a fix of adding iron-on glue but at the end of the day, I'm still happy with it.

Our first major set back was we had a drawer built and we had a drawer box (frame) built. Enter first dilemma: drawer does not fit into drawer box.

So after a string of inappropriate language, we set out to take apart drawer to make it smaller. Then once we've cut everything down to fit, we're reassembling the drawer and SNAP! the wood actually snaps in two. Dilemma number two.

We have to glue boards overnight to redo the broken piece. Which really wasn't such a bad thing because it's an excuse to call it a night before we do anymore damage.

The next night we're both cranky and cold (yeah an unheated garage in Minnesota is not the best place to build things in the winter). I'm at my usual post: using the sander while Adam is using my archnemesis, the nail gun, to get the drawer put back together when another string of profanities comes from his side of the garage. I survey the damage: one side of the drawer bottom is completely square while the other side is about an inch too high, making the inside of the drawer have a 15 degree angle. Dilemma number three.

At this point, my desire for perfection has completely evaporated, so screw it I'm cold and I'm hungry, I can live with a drawer that has a 15 degree angle. Dilemma solved.

A few days later, it's sanded and stained. The last step is to clear-coat it. Oh lordy, I'm so excited for clear-coating: it's the very last thing before we're done! We can come home from work and do nothing but watch our shows! Thank you clear-coat step!

Adam's at the store getting the Thanksgiving fixings while I'm busy applying the clear-coat. The next thing I know, the full can of clear-coat slips out of my hands and in slow motion I watch it fall. Here is where I wish I could tell you that I had ninja-like reflexes or had a Matrix moment where I caught the falling can but any sensei would band me from the dojo because I did not catch the can as it fell, instead I froze in place as the slow motion "nnnnnnooooooooo" comes out of my mouth and the can bounces off the floor and spills everywhere.

Clear-coat is the glossy, smooth finish you add on the wood to protect it and make it feel nice and smooth. I now have a 3 foot circle of nice and smooth, glossy finish on my garage floor where children can come over to ice-skate. In my garage.

I had a deadline of Thanksgiving to have this done and technically it was done by then but because the stain and clear-coat was having a tough time drying in our cold garage, it had to stay down there for Thanksgiving. Because I’m so modest I made everyone come down to the garage to see it. I couldn't help but feel a swell of pride as my family members stood on the stairs shivering giving me the necessary compliments of how great it looks for them to be able to return to the warm house because let's face it, teeth chattering or not it is pretty awesome.

Week 2

Ok so I'm this close to using my project as firewood.

There have been so many setbacks that I don't have time to tell you all about them right now. But we're still nowhere near being done and I'm just so frustrated that I could scream.

I've been busy trying to get everything finished by Thanksgiving and I feel like so far the only progress I've made is the confirmation that my husband is one of the most patient people I've ever met. He hasn't left or murdered me yet even though I do awful things to him like quietly let him take control of the nail gun because I keep doing it wrong, or after realizing that the shelf portion is 6 inches shorter than I wanted it to be, he graciously goes to the store to get more wood.

Speaking of going to the store to get more supplies, this might end up being the most expensive thing in my house.

Seriously.

No joke.

Suddenly paying Ikea $99 for something that would take a half hour to assemble doesn't seem so bad especially when we've been working on building this everyday for almost 2 weeks. When you see the finished product, you will laugh at how long it's taken me. I mean, a big ol' belly laugh to see something so tiny and basic has taken me 2 weeks. Ridiculous.

I've been cursing that anawhite.com website everyday since the start of the build, so she and I are not friends at the moment. We'll see if I change my tune once it's done and in my living room. Right now, I'm thinking that's a pretty fat-chance.

But I still have all my fingers, eyes, toes and am still married. So I guess if I was being positive I'd say it's a success. But let's be real here, it's me. I'm 5 minutes away from dousing my bench with gasoline and roasting some marshmallows.

Two more powertools down.

We're now on day 6 of the project and so far we have.......sanded wood.

I've attempted to use two more powertools and yes I still have all 10 fingers intact. Unfortunately, I can no longer say that I haven't drawn blood because somehow the wood assaulted my knuckles so there has been some bloodshed.

I've conquered the sander but it wasn't exactly my favorite for a couple of reasons. We live in a frozen tundra- I mean, Minnesota, so it's too cold to have the garage door open which means it gets really dusty when using it. I feel like I'm literally chewing the air since there's so much dust. Plus it's super loud (I don't even like to vacuum because that's too loud for me). And using a sander is not as easy as you'd assume because you gotta actually put some muscle behind it. I thought I could just hold it and it'd ya know do it's sandy thing but no, I need to work at it- which I found to be very disappointing.

The next tool I've attempted to master is the nail gun. Yeah, me and the nail gun don't so must get along. But in my defense I'm going to blame-shift a little onto my husband who thought that giving me a 2 minute lesson on how to use a nail gun powered by an air compressor was a long enough tutorial before turning me loose on the actual project with gun in hand.

He's holding the two pieces together that need to be nailed and I start shooting away, thinking "how hard can this really be?" Well, apparently there is some finesse when using a nail gun- finesse which I have yet to develop.

I had two nails miss the 2nd board completely, so they have taken up a permanent residence sticking out of the bottom of my drawer. The nails that did go through, kind of went in at an angle so they're not really holding anything together- but again, that's not really my fault. He wants me to hold the gun level, but the problem is to hold it level I'd need to crouch down and be eye level with the shooting surface.

Um, holding a WEAPON tool that I've seen take out countless bad guys in movies, and you want me to get eye level with it? ....... Yeah, not gonna happen.

So the end result of my 30 second introduction to the nail gun is me having a drawer bottom that's not exactly flush with the sides. Meaning, if you loose an earring in the drawer, that puppy is gone forever.

Unfortunately I didn't realize just how important accuracy is when it comes to using nail guns and building things. I'm not really an accurate/detail/fine tuning kinda person. Folding clothes for example, when I fold them there's no lining up seams or straightening out pockets beforehand, it's a rapid succession of fold-fold-fold-done, which makes me NOT great at building things. When Adam folds clothes the seams are lined up and the wrinkles are smoothed out as he goes- definitely paying attention to the details which makes him GREAT for building stuff. Now if only I could get him to finish the project, while letting me take credit for it....

I guess my first line saying that all we had so far was sanded wood was a little misleading because not only do we have sanded wood, we have 3- count them 1,2,3 boards nailed together. The boards are not nailed together nicely but hey, they're nailed. I'm hoping that very very soon I can report that we have at least part of something actually built.

The project has begun.

It's begun.

I've started building my project. So far, I've learned how to choose the best lumber, use an electric drill, a miter-saw and glue boards together.

A-ha!

Busted!

Shame on you.

I know darn well that just now, after reading that I was using powertools your anticipation of "ooh, I bet Mandy got hurt somehow. This is going to be funny...." went through your head as you rubbed your greedy hands together with excitement, didn't it?

DIDN'T IT?!?

Jerk.

Anyway, even though you're hoping to read something funny about my demise, I'm currently in possession of all 10 fingers and the total number of times I've drawn blood is ZERO (as of right now).

My mother-in-law was sweet enough to anticipate my blunders she sent me a lovely care package containing safety goggles, gauze and medical tape "just in case."...Hmm, I wonder if I should be offended....

My original plan was to build that bench I told you about. It's a "beginner" project so I figured that would've been perfect to start out with. My friend and I were going to build it together but after fine tuning our plan she backed out when she realized how much work it was going to be. Which is fine, really, it’s okay. I totally hate her now.

I decided to scrap the beginner project and move right into an intermediate project since it'll be a more functional piece. I was able to enlist my husband so I was thinking that even though it's an intermediate project, it'll be a piece of cake with his help since this is totally his thing.

Wrong.

Not a piece of cake.

Night #1: we spend 2 hours at Lowe's (the only home improvement store to shop) getting supplies. He informs me a 1x12 board actually measures at like 1x11¼. WTF!?!? Don't call it a "1x12" if it's not really 12 inches! At this point, I'm pissed at the woodworking industry as a whole and would like to have serious words at the yahoo that decides to call a 1x11¼ board a 1x12. The liar.

We're in the midst of picking out the boards when it hits me that my shelf that's supposed to hold my 12x14 scrapbooks are going to be way too short (see previous paragraph, I'm still too angry to reiterate), so we modify the plans to make the shelves bigger. He tells me we're going to have to MAKE each piece of wood bigger by trimming them and then gluing them together. Uh.....okay......??

We move over to the Handle aisle where it takes me 10 minutes to settle on the handle for the drawer. Who knew this would be such a stressful decision?? It was just too big of a decision for me to make on the spot so I buy 2 different ones so I can decide later.

We then move on to the Stain aisle for another decision I have to make: pick a color. Oh lordy. They don't have the exact color of stain that I’ve manifested in my head so I consider calling the stain company to describe in great detail the color I'd like, but instead I settle on a different color. That night I wake at 4:30 in the morning with the feeling of pending doom- I know the color of stain isn't perfect- I don't even know if I like the color I picked! Ugh. Why couldn't the stain company give me more color variety to choose from- or at the very least ask my opinion?!? Ugh. My life is so difficult exasperated arm over my eyes.

Night #2: he teaches me how to use a miter-saw and table-saw. After 30 minutes of this, I’m bored and ready to suggest that we just go and buy the bookshelf. But because I know that suggestion would cause my husband to blow a gasket and, more irritatingly, cause the words “I told you so” to be spoken, I persevered.

I measure and re-measure to make sure my cuts are perfect. Everything was going along swimmingly. I just finished cutting a board into the three 1x18 pieces I needed when Adam politely asks what size I just cut. I respond, “the 1x18’s.” Silence. “Uh, you were supposed to cut 1x18 ½” Dang it! I measured that stupid wood three times before I cut it into perfectly measured 1x18 pieces so now I've ruined the whole board. We'll need to buy another one.

Night #3: We continuing cutting and gluing pieces together- who knew that they didn’t sell wide pieces of wood, that you had to glue them?? Not me. Had I known, I might not’ve chosen a project where every stinking piece of wood needs to be made bigger than whats sold at a store.

I look around the garage (my building area) and see that we have all the wood built for the drawer/bench part but with one lone piece of wood left, how are we supposed to build the entire bookcase?? Now, I know I ruined one piece but either I was grabbing the wrong pieces of wood each time or we somehow forgot half of our wood at the store. Who knows. All I know is we have a lot of work ahead of us even after we buy more wood (all new wood for said bookcase will also need to be trimmed and glued. Oh joy.)

Three nights and so far we have……wood. Nothing is built. We have glued pieces of wood together to make them the right size and that's it- nothing more.

Seriously. Check back next month because I’ll still be gluing wood and hopefully still brag about keeping all 10 fingers intact.