Obivously I didn't fit in

In May, there was a special at Curves where you could get 30 days of working out for $30. Having enjoyed working out at Curves in the past, I jumped at the chance to go back- even if was only for a month.

So for one month I worked out like crazy. I even worked out twice in one day just to get a jump-start on the summer.

Once my 30 days was up I was able to charm the owner into letting me continue working out for the next 3 months at the discounted rate.

Score! Yay for me!

So I've gotten to workout for the past 3 months but sadly, my 3 months is up and I'm not renewing my discounted membership so I was a little sad going in to workout last night as I knew I wouldn't be returning- just when I finally felt like I "belonged."

It's a really actually been a fun place to workout in. Everyone is friendly, there's low calorie recipes listed on the walls, there's drawings, interactive activities, and every week there's a new game to play for prizes.

For this week's activity to commemorate the State Fair, they posted a whiteboard for everyone to write their favorite thing about the State Fair. People put some fun things up: "people watching", "eating", "the petting zoo", "food", "the sky ride".

So on Tuesday I write: "eat more calories than I can burn in a week." Because- well, you know me: I like to EAT!!

During my last workout I nostalgically looked around at the recipes, the drawings, etc and I see the whiteboard with the favorite things to do at the State Fair and read what people have added "craft building", "concerts", "finding fun new things for teaching", blah, blah, blah.

I look at my own entry and someone had strategically erased the words "more" and "than" from my sentence. Therefore they changing my contribution to "eat calories I can burn in a week"

Uh..... That's NOT what I wrote.

Because I'm in a GYM it makes sense they change it something more fit-friendly but seriously is my statement going to send other gym-goers into a tailspin of gluttony? Are people going to read my post and think "yeah, I'm gonna eat more calories I can burn in a week and cancel my membership"??

No.

So why is my statement more offensive than the "food" and "eating" contributions others made? Is my voice that powerful? I'm pretty egotistical but even I don't think my opinion is that persuasive.

Clearly I've been fooling myself for the past 3 months of working out and making small talk with these apparent health FREAKS because I do not fit in with them. So good riddance.

And who doesn't go to the State Fair JUST to eat more calories they can burn in a week?!?

No one I tell you. No one.

Food. I love it- there isn't much more to say about that.

I used to think that when I was a child, I was a picky eater but as I grow-up and take notice what other people around me are eating- or NOT eating I'm starting to realize that I'm not as picky as I thought I was. In fact, I'm pretty willing to try almost anything if it's not spicy.

Spicy foods- THERE'S my weakness. I just can't seem to enjoy having my taste buds singed off as I'm enjoying my food- call me crazy.

But other than that, I think I'm pretty willing to try anything. The best example of the lengths I'm ready to go to try new things is I actually want to try mussels. My beloved FoodNetwork constantly talks about mussels and how delicious they are. They don't really look that appetizing and because it's seafood, I assume they don't really smell appetizing but if someone swears by something I'm not one to argue.

I'm just so in love with food that I can't help but want to try any and everything.

My newest introduction into my food repertoire has been seafood. I used to not eat any seafood but in high school my friends parents took us to Manny's Steakhouse (an oober expensive, fancy schmancy steak place) and what did I get at this steakhouse?

Salmon.

Yep.

In the fanciest restaurant I've ever been in and I get salmon.

Why you ask? No idea but it did spark my love of salmon. So I went from not eating any seafood to loving salmon.

Then a few years later I was introduced to scallops. Delicious!

And then shrimp- equally delicious! I get intense cravings for shrimp that completely take over my brain- I can't think of anything else, just when the next time I can get my shrimp score is. Like right now as I'm typing this my mouth is watering- a little drop of drool just fell on my keyboard. Mmmmmm...... Shriiiiiimmmmmmppp.

Now I just need to learn how to COOK the food I love to eat so much!

The first time I said "it"

Back when I was in 7th grade I fell pretty hard for my best friend's neighbor boy. He was the typical all American boy-next-door bad boy. He had a slight mullet (hey, don't judge me) but I liked him anyway because he was......well let's be honest, I didn't have a car or any other prospects, he was convenient.

Even though my friend liked him too, I was ever the selfish one and asked him "out" first but of course we'd never actually go anywhere. Luckily my bestie quickly forgave me for pulling a sneak attack and asking him out first. Ho's before bros!

After our first week of going out, I was ready. It was time to take the next step-I was ready to be in love- just like the characters in relationships on 90210.....we'd go on dates....hold hands.....go to the movies....be all ooey gooey lovey dovey, it was going to be fantastic!

So I took the plunge.

I called my boyfriend and as we sit there awkwardly silent on the phone, I'm giving myself a mental pep-talk "ok, I can do this!".

I was nervous about my first declaration of love, so I prepped him by saying "Ok..... I have something to tell you but I'm embarrassed so I'm going to just say it and then hang up, you don't need to say anything because I'm just gonna hang up, okay?"

I get the typical response I get when I make someone uncomfortable and they don't know how to respond to me: ".....uh....okay...."

Deep breath.

"I love you." CLICK. I quickly hang up the phone.

I sit there feeling giddy and embarrassed and excited. Teeeheeehee, I said it!

Very quickly the high of adrenaline wears off and I start to feel unfulfilled and let down. Does he love me back?? Did he say he loved me too and I hung up on him?? Does he know that I'm not at home so if he wants to call me back, he'd have to call me at my friend's house?? Did he even hear me??

So I do what any clueless 7th grader would do.

I call him back.

"Did you hear what I said before I hung up the phone?"

"Yep."

".....Did you say anything back? Because if you did, I didn't hear you because I hung up.......So.....Did you say anything back?"

"Nope."

Oh.

So there it is. My first declaration of love was not reciprocated- actually it was hardly even acknowledged.

Needless to say, my first love and I eventually parted ways a few days later, hey 7th grade relationships never last . He later starts dating someone named "Trixie" and I can't help but feel like I dodged a bullet.

Clothing should come with a ticker tape

Shopping can be fun for many reasons. It can be a distraction from whatever is going on in your life. It can instantly boost your self esteem when you find the perfect pair of jeans (which happens like once every ten years for this set of hips). Or it can induce the I-just-got-this-super-cute-outfit-on-clearance high.

But once you get home and remove the tags from your new purchases, the ticking time bomb starts.

The first time you wear your new sweater, you feel great about yourself- must be the endorphins of loving that new sweater so much that you suddenly love yourself a little bit more than usual. You feel a little thinner, a little prettier thanks to that new purchase.

Then the next time you wear it, it's still super cute and you love it.

But with each wear of the new item, the high rubs off a little more eventually leaving you with just another sweater in your closet.

In recent years I've really toned down my shopping, which has left me with a closet full of I've-already-worn-this-a-million-trillion-times pieces of clothing.

But what happened to the this-is-oh-so-cute feeling I used to get when wearing that sweater?

It's almost like the clothing has in expiration date- like it only gets so many uses of you really liking the item, before it fades into the sea of my I-don't-have-anything-to-wear wardrobe.

Or it can become a test of your memory like: when was the last time I saw her and what was I wearing because I don't want to wear the same thing again kinda test.

As bad as my memory is, I've actually saved a section dedicated to this.

I have very few pieces of clothing that I really like so when I have an event (which is pretty much anything other than a normal workday), I wear one of a select handful of things. But then it becomes a new battle of I-can't-wear-this-today-because-I-wore-this-the-last-time-I-saw-her or the special event battle of I-have-way-too-many-pictures-wearing-this-dress-people-will-think-I-don't-own-anything-else battle.

I've tried to get crafty in postponing the inevitable of my new super cute sweater is now just another sweater dilemma.

When purchasing a new piece of clothing, I like to take it out on a few test runs before truly committing to the purchase. If you see me wearing something new, chances are the tags are still on it. In fact, the tags will stay on for the first few wearings of my newest item for two reasons:

#1: the longer the tags stay on, the longer I can delay the ticking time bomb of getting bored with the item.

#2. I find myself wearing the new item a couple of times but then realize that I don't really love it as much as I thought I did, so now I get to take it back to the store and either get my money back or a new item to start the cycle all over again.

It's really a win-win for me. Not so much for the store or the fact that I shouldn't be to doing it but hey, I've already openly admitted to being selfish.

I prejudge people and I'm okay with that.

If you want me to instantly hate you, you should hang a set of one of those fake testicles from the hitch on your truck/car.

Yep, that'll do it.

I don't know what it is but automatically I hate that person. I just think that only a hill-billy, chauvinist, douchy, a$$hole would put that on his car.

The other day I was driving behind someone in a truck with those hanging from his hitch and because I instantly hated them, I instantly hated the driver. I was trying to place my anger/annoyance/disapproval for this mobile joke-on-wheels like maybe if I could place WHY I hate them so much, I wouldn't- but I couldn't place it other than my snap judgment: douche.

As I glare at them trying to find a reasonable explanation for my hatred, I find myself getting hypnotized by the swingy back and forth, back and forth motion. So I'm at a crossroads, do I continue to be lulled into submission by this distasteful car accessory or do I take a stand?

I snap out of the hypnosis and pass the guy, annoyed at myself for having temporarily gotten sucked into a testicle induced trance.

I'm still glowering over this extra appendage on the vehicle when my husband calls. I explain, in great detail, my hatred for this novelty item. He, the ever antagonistic, says that they're funny and cool and that once he gets a pickup truck, he wants to get a pair.

Noooooooooo.

It's not like I could tell a grown man who can make his own decision "no."

But that's exactly what I told him.

He just laughs and says "we'll see....."

Lord help him if he does, because it's not going to be pretty around here.

Mmm...

I'm gonna guess that MOST people don't rush home from working out to bake a pudding pie.

To eat by themselves.

I'm clearly not most people.