Yes, I'm a sassy girl.
And nothing proves this more than what I would've liked to have happened while I was in a Christian Bookstore buying my godson (yep, you read that right someone is trusting me with guiding their child, lord have mercy) a gift.
I was walking up to the Information Desk when a guy wearing regular street clothes walking past me, looks at the stuff in my hands and says "oh those are so cute," does a 180 degree turn and comes with me up to the counter.
Uh....ok.....
I'm asking the employee about the price of an item while the man continues to elaborate on the cuteness of the possible gift choices I'm holding. So I graciously thank him (because seriously he is going on and on, and even I can admit it wasn't THAT cute) and resume
He is standing directly behind me and asks what the occasion is for the type of gift I'm looking for, then tries to draw me into conversation about all endless number of choices I have for a gift for a baby godson's baptism.
And I should have prefaced, this man wasn't just a normal Joe-blow guy, he was super creepy. He was giving the my-neighbors-think-I'm-a-quiet-guy-but-I'm-really-a-psycho-killer vibe off. Plus, he's wearing a sweatshirt tucked into his stonewashed jeans, need I say more?
This guy proceeds to hold up different items, thinking I'd be interested in them. "Did you see this {hideous teal} cross?" "Look how cute these toys are {that have nothing to do with God, Jesus or Baptism}" "Oh look a nightlight of a little girl praying {when you're looking for a gift for a godSON}"
I look to the employees for help. Does this guy work here? Should I be concerned? Why are you not shutting him up? Do you have my back if this psycho tries anything crazy??
Sadly no, the employees working at this particular Christian bookstore on a Tuesday night are Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary and a Howard Bamboo (from glee) look alike that refused to make eye contact with me, so clearly neither of them are ready to throw down.
And because I'm in Minnesota Nice country, I smile at the man and thank him for his suggestions when I'm really a millisecond away from saying "are you f-ing employed here or are you just stalking me?! Shoo, go back to your corner."
And while I'm on the topic, I think that all store employees need to wear some sort of identifying clothing- shirt, vest, name badge -whatever just so I know that yes you are an ineffective employee trying to be helpful or no you are not an employee, you are just some fashion senseless creepy man with too much time on your hands suggesting ugly things for me to buy so get the hell away from me!!!
Had I been in New York, I would've been able to properly express myself with the appropriate ratio of swearing to belligerent comments. Ah, the big life. One can dream.
Alas, my momma taught me right and I'm in still in Minnesota, so I faked my acceptance of this uncomfortable situation with a polite smile and proceeded to the checkout.
Don't even me started on the words I would've had with checkout girl Sara Plain & Tall for winding the music box up before wrapping it and putting in the bag. I have a half hour drive with that little music box and I'd like to make it home without throwing it out of the freaking window! Why?! Why would she do that?!?
I think maybe this was a test from God to see just how far he can push me while in one of His stores before freaking out on someone.
Jokes on you though isn't it? Mandy 1 God 0
Better luck next time lord- oh and hey, can you please hook me up with the lottery please? Peace out.
If you think I'm a horrible person after reading this, keep in mind that I later discovered that the guy was NOT an employee so he really was just following me around with the I'm-gonna-stuff-you-in-the-trunk-of-my-car vibe. Judge all you want.
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