What is it about getting in trouble that's so terrifying?

I've had an overdue library book for like 5 days and it's been killing me. My mom used to say the guilt didn't effect me and for the most part she was right- I was a rotten fearless kid. But as an adult, if there's even a tiny possibility of getting scolded by any type of authority figure, I pretty much curl up into the fetal position until the fear and shame subsides.

It's sick & twisted weird how different I would handle the same situation, depending on my audience. If my friend/family/acquaintance is involved, I have no qualms with conflict. In fact, more times than not, I am the instigator and have no problem in challenging my beloved to a trip in the old cage match for a fight to the death competition. Just because.

However, if it's anyone with any shred of authority, I instantly feel the tears forming in my eyes and want to beg for absolution.

The overdue book for example, has literally plagued me for 5 days. I've thought about that damn book countless time within those five days. And to be honest, I was actually afraid to return it- like I'd walk in and sirens would go off that the book has finally been returned and my favorite librarian would stand up yelling GET HER and chase me down to pry the book out of my cold unconscious hand <-- and yes, I have a favorite librarian that I'm plotting to someday befriend so we can talk endlessly about books- that is only if she doesn't tackle me to get the overdue books out of my hand.

It's really sad how ruthless I can be with the ones I care about but I feel like a scolded puppy if a librarian of all people gives me a chiding look. I mean, where are my priorities?? And where's the Little Miss book to teach me about that??? I mean they have a Little Miss Somersault book of all things.

Really. They do. What kind of life lesson can Little Miss Somersault teach??

What about the Little Miss Ruthless Biatch That Will Cage Fight Her Friends If She Doesn't Get Her Way book? I haven't seen that at Barnes & Noble yet, have you? How am I supposed to learn to deal with my shortcomings without a Little Miss book to guide me? Those cute little square books have been the foundation of my childhood with Little Miss Scatterbrain at the forefront of course.

Come on peeps, get with the program!

Ok, next career aspiration: re-write all the Little Miss books. Well maybe not "re-write" because you can't mess with perfection, maybe just add some books to their repertoire that will help the crazy, multiple personality children of the world like they did me.